Sex toys can be a great addition to the bedroom. Even if you already have a red-hot sex life, including a toy can take your sex to a whole new level of pleasure. But, what happens if you are into sex toys and your partner is not? While this may seem like a gigantic roadblock on the way to Pleasure Town, it does not have to be.
Maybe you have tried to bring up sex toys in the past and have received a lukewarm response? Maybe you have never brought it up, but have an inkling that your partner is not super adventurous? Whatever the reason, you shouldn’t have to hide your passion for sex toys with your partner.
Sure, you could always use sex toys solo. You could stash them away and only bring them out when your husband is on a business trip. However, hiding things from a spouse isn’t necessarily the healthiest thing to do in a relationship. If you are passionate about bringing sex toys in the bedroom, don’t be afraid to speak up.
Below are five steps to introducing sex toys into the bedroom without causing a rift in your relationship.
Communicate with Your Mate
As with most things in a relationship, communication is key. Sit down with your partner and talk about using sex toys in the bedroom. Explain why you want to introduce sex toys into the bedroom, but do not make it a one-side conversation. Make sure to include your partner when you are describing why you want to use a sex toy. Don’t say: “I want to use a vibrator in bed because I think I will have an orgasm quicker.” Instead, try: “I want you to use a sex toy on me because it would turn me on.” This naturally shifts the conversation away from you as an individual and more towards you two as a couple.
You will also want to make sure that you keep the conversation very positive. Do not tell them that you want to bring sex toys into the bedroom because you are bored. (Even if this is the truth, saying something this bluntly can be extremely damaging to a relationship and can crush your mate’s confidence!) Make sure to tell your partner that one of the reasons that you are bringing this up is because you feel so close and comfortable in the relationship. Hearing things like this will make your spouse feel more secure in the relationship.
You will also want to ask your spouse questions to uncover why he is leery about using sex toys. Is he afraid a vibrator will replace him? Is he worried that the dildo is bigger and better than what he can provide? Has he had a bad experience in the past? No matter what his answers are, make sure to calm your partner’s fears. Simply let him know that this is an addition to the bedroom, not a replacement for his body. You may have to insert this into the conversation a few times to really drive the point home.
Since you are already on the sex toy topic, it is a perfect opportunity to ask him if he wants to try out anything specific in the bedroom. There are many toys on the market for couples. Now is the time to ask what he wants to add to your sex life. Make sure to keep an open mind about the answers. You may be surprised by how he responds!
Choose the Right Kind of Sex Toys
While you may have experience with sex toys, your partner may be a sex toy virgin. If this is the case, gently familiarize them with the world of sex toys. Start with something basic, like a rabbit vibrator or a standard, flesh-colored dildo. You may want to rush in with more, but don’t. Chances are, you were not introduced to the biggest and best sex toy right away. (If you were, kudos!) However, in this case, start basic and work your way up to other gadgets.
If your partner’s main concern is that a sex toy will replace him, try using toys that do not imitate a body part. For example, if your husband is nervous you’ll bring a bigger, better vibrator to bed, skip the vibrator all together and bring a finger massager. This eliminates his tendencies to compare his penis size to a toy, but also allows you to have fun with something new.
Use a Safe Word
Even if you have been married for years, the use of a safe word is a great idea. A safe word benefits both parties in the bedroom and prevents non-consensual harm. Safe words are important because while they allow you to push boundaries with the toys, it also gives you a safety net if either one of you starts to regret the decision.
If your partner uses the safe word or decides not to go any further with the sex toy during that session, that’s OK! Sometimes it can take multiple tries to find the right sex toy for your relationship. Avoid getting angry or upset with your mate and realize that this is something that may take time.
Have a Post Sex Toy Chat
Talking about your shared sex toy experience with your partner is a definite must. You do not have to do it right after sex, but make sure that you do revisit the sex toy conversation with your partner after you have played with the toys in the bedroom. Ask them what they thought of them, what they liked about them, and if they’d like to continue using them.
Try not to become dependent on using sex toys in the bedroom, especially if your spouse is still a little apprehensive of using them. Again, you want this to be something to use additionally in the bedroom, not something that replaces sexual intercourse in the bedroom.
With a little planning and a lot of communication, sex toys can be an easy and fun addition to the bedroom, no matter how apprehensive your partner is. We love to hear about our readers’ experiences. If you have used these steps and are successfully using sex toys in your bedroom, let us know! Do you have additional tips and tricks that other readers could benefit from? Please don’t hold back, leave them in the comments below!