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How to have amazing sex when you don’t feel body confident

Whether you admit it or not you have likely had a time or two, or three, ok fine, maybe more, where your inner sex goddess just refuses to come out and play. Like most women, a lack of self-esteem or body confidence got in the way of you having an amazing time in the bedroom. It sucks, but it happens to us all at one point or another and totally takes the fun out of sex. Boo!

While it may seem like an easy option to have a glass or two of bubbles before your playtime, there are lots of other ways that can actually have a long-term benefit on your confidence in the bedroom and let you make the most of getting lucky. Here are a few tips to make sure you still have amazing sex even when you aren’t feeling body confident.

Get naked a whole lot more

This is one of the easiest and best tips I can give. If you have the house to yourself, get naked. Alone in your room, get naked. The idea is to get used to the idea of being naked a lot and learning to appreciate your naked body. If you do it enough, by the time you add another person to the naked mix it won’t seem so out of place or like a massive event. It will just be you, naked again. And, while you are at it, get touching and exploring that body of yours. It doesn’t need to be sexual and you don’t need to be aroused but just learning more about the ins and outs of your body will help to teach you what you do and don’t like when it comes to sex. And when you know exactly what you like, it is much easier to express that with confidence to someone else too.

Visualise yourself as super confident

Basically, fake it till you make it. Not something I would usually recommend when it comes to bedroom antics but in this scenario it can actually work. Start by thinking about the last sexual encounter you had where you felt truly confident and try to evoke that same feeling of confidence again. Why were you so confident? What were you doing or saying? Let that memory inspire you now without removing yourself from the moment too much. You want to use this as inspiration, not think about it the whole time, as the idea is that you will flourish in this sexual moment just as you did then. Don’t get too deep into your trip down memory lane. If you are struggling to think of a moment, you can always pick your favourite sex pot and evoke them! Whether it’s Stoya, Scarlett Johannsen or Rihanna doesn’t matter. Pick someone you love and look up to, and think about how they would act in this situation.

Play up your favourite features

We all have some part of our body that we like, even if it is just your amazing hair. And this is the feature that you need to make the centerpiece of your entire look, both clothed and naked! And don’t worry if this requires some lingerie to enhance and accentuate, find something that you can keep on while you play if you think that will help with your confidence levels. Crotchless underwear anyone? But remember when it comes to lingerie, that you need to dress for yourself and wear something that you consider sexy! It’s you that needs to feel confident after all. If you feel amazing, then that will translate to body confidence in the bedroom in no time.

Strip at the same time as your partner

If you are going down the naked route, then try to strip down at the same time as your partner. This way both of you will be just as vulnerable as each other and you can focus on your own and the other person’s body in equal measure. There is no need to put on a show or dance about if you don’t want to. Also, keep this in mind next time you are with someone that you know (or can tell) is feeling a little nervous. It will help to put them at ease if you suggest stripping together or just start doing it as they do. Of course, the other option here is to get yourselves so worked up that your clothes come off without you even realising it. That’s a perfect solution really!

Show off your skills

Just like flaunting your favourite physical asset, if you are feeling uncomfortable in intimate situations then showing off your sexual skills is a great way to put your mind at ease. Feel empowered knowing that what you are doing feels amazing and you are having an awesome effect on their body. So much so that they couldn’t possibly focus on anything but how great you are making their body feel.

Dim the lights and blast your favourite banging beat

This tip is an oldie but a goodie. When you dim the lights you are literally impairing their ability to see you fully which is a great way to deter them from any little problem areas you may have. So dim those lights and pop on one of your favourite songs. Maybe it’s one that makes you feel sexy, one that reminds you of a great time or one that makes you lose all sense of anything but how good the song makes you feel. Turn it up and let those insecurities go.

Believe their compliments

If might be difficult at the time but remember that you are in the situation you are in because your partner wanted you there and is clearly attracted to you. So when they say you look amazing or that they love a part of you, let them. Don’t brush off their compliments, bask in them and definitely believe them! They are under no obligation to compliment you after all. They are doing it because they want to. It’s true that we really are our own worst critics, I know it’s a cliché, but clichés become so for a reason right? Let them appreciate you and take what they say with you when you leave too. Save it in your confidence boosting piggy bank for next time.

Find your community

And by this, I mean the kind of groups or communities that are vocal about their attraction to the parts of your appearance that you like least. This doesn’t have to be permanent, but if you are going through a phase where your self-esteem is low about part of your body, then look out for groups or people that you know will appreciate what you hate most. This world is huge and, believe it or not, someone out there finds you completely beautiful. Honestly, while the porn community can sometimes get a bad rap there are actually a lot of great nonmainstream narratives about the way females present themselves to society within the porn industry. Look at alternative styles of porn and fetish images and videos and check out how much love they are getting. There are thousands of views right? That means that people sought this out because they love it and it turns them on, which means the way you look turns people on too. Thousands of them, at the very least!

Never apologise!

Don’t ever apologise for your appearance and that means no jokes and no disparaging yourself. If you start talking negatively about yourself then that negative energy may spread and manifest in them too. Talking badly about yourself makes people think its ok to talk badly about you too. The most important thing of all is that you never go above and beyond to get someone else’s approval. The only approval that you need is your own and if someone is not into that then they are not worth your time. A queen bows to no one!

Remember that confidence is all in your head and is not reflective of the way that you actually look or how other people see you. Body confidence in the bedroom is really all about learning to love yourself, letting go of worrying and allowing your mind and body to be completely tuned in to the amazing sex that is going on. In the words of my favourite queen Ru Paul: “If you can’t love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else? Can I get an amen?!” Amen sister.

About the Author: Emma Hewitt

Emma Hewitt
Emma is a writer from Wellington, New Zealand that enjoys writing about the good things in life. Be it relationships, food, adventure, cats or glitter. She has a Bachelor of Communications with a major in Expressive Arts which she put to use for three years marketing sex toys for NZ’s biggest online retailer. Now she shares that knowledge and love for all things pleasurable as a freelance writer. When she’s not writing you can find her drinking prosecco or playing with her darling dog Peaches. Probably both.

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