The truth about sex is that, whether we like it or not, there is a lot more talking involved than what we might have originally thought, or at least there needs to be. This is because, for as much as we want a magic lover to guess all our sweet spots by just looking at us, communication is crucial to understand and properly pleasure both our partners and ourselves.
While many of us feel comfortable enough with our sexuality to share, guide and direct a lover through our own personal pleasure map, some women might find it a bit more difficult, be it because of shyness, unfounded fear of embarrassment, or simple lack of habit. Being a good communicator is a matter of both confidence and consistency, especially in bed, where both go hand in hand in order to let your partner know what feels good, what doesn’t, and what new things you’d like to try out. If you’re feeling a bit lost on where to start, take a look at these 5 good ways to communicate what you want in bed¸ and reap the wonderful results for yourself.
Work with what you know
Knowing yourself is so important to a bomb sex life, that it’s practically the pillar of everything that you’ll ever experience in bed, so the next logical step to take is to let your partner in on all the keys and tricks you know will lead you to a good time.
So, the advice here is to take your partner into the journey of discovering your body; use what gets you going when you masturbate, guide their hands, set the pace; this is especially effective if you’re feeling a little shy vocalizing exactly what you want, because all these can be done without uttering a single word.
One of the best things about showing your partner what you really like is that it puts you in a sexy, confident light where you’re sure about what you want and when you want it, and this eases your partner by taking some of the pressure of having to find out through trial and error what gets you to orgasm.
You might be thinking ‘Well, easier said than done’, but you’ll find that once you get over that first bout of self-consciousness regarding asking for what you want in bed, you’ll feel So. Much. Better. The first step is always the hardest, and when you get that done and over with, you’ll find yourself way more comfortable with verbally expressing your desire.
Even a simple ‘Just like that’, or ‘Do what you did before’ goes a long way in warming you up to communicating what you like, but while we encourage you to be completely open about every small move that contributes to your hitting your high, you should also stay present with your partner and stimulate them into making you feel good.
While letting yourself loose is the way to go with many aspects of sex, remember that open communication in bed also means uplifting your partner in order to give them the drive to do their best, so if you think they could be doing something differently, don’t just go with ‘Not like that’ or ‘That’s not good’. Instead, use positive feedback and see how both of your confidence levels rise to the roof.
Show your enthusiasm (in any way you can)
Be it through body language, sounds, or monosyllables shouted off into the night, express yourself through the most spontaneous ways you can find. Being highly articulate during sex is not really a priority as long as you’re expressing your love for it, and actually surrendering yourself to this sort of enthusiasm will make you experience your sexuality in a whole different level.
As distraction during sex can be quite a common occurrence, this technique will not only do the job when it comes to letting your lover know what turns you on, but will also help you get more in the moment if you find your mind wandering. Involving your partner into this will also keep the feedback up between the two of you, successfully anchoring you to the good time you’re having and allowing you to enjoy every little sensation.
Don’t worry about overdoing it; a common mistake is refraining yourself to avoid looking overenthusiastic during sex, when all this does is hinder your own pleasure and discourage your partner, so be shameless and have fun.
Don’t be afraid to say no
Having explained the previous points, it’s also important to understand that saying yes and focusing in the moment sometimes just doesn’t cut it, so if you find yourself in any sort of uncomfortable situation in bed, it’s paramount that you vocalize a very firm no.
It’s unfortunate to see how many women suck it up and endure practices that they don’t really enjoy out of fear of disappointing a partner, when in reality, these insecurities can be squashed by simply saying ‘stop’ or ‘let’s try something else’. Not speaking up when you’re not feeling it will only make you associate awkward and uncomfortable memories with sex, thus undermining the whole experience.
Telling your partner what you don’t like the minute it happens will not only keep you from an unsatisfying sexual experience, but will also establish trust between the two of you, and will give you a clear chance at expressing what you do like.
Keep it up, even after the sex is over
Again, the middle of sex is not the best of places to extensively and lucidly talk about your preferences, even when giving clear signs about what you’re feeling is crucial to keeping things smooth and spicy. When you’re done and reveling in the afterglow is a good time to remark on what you liked, what you didn’t, what you’d like to improve and what should definitely be done again.
These talks are one of the most important aspects of effective sexual communication, seeing as it proves you trust your partner enough to openly talk about these matters and showing that you take both of your sexual experiences seriously.
Even if it might feel awkward at first to talk about sex outside of sex, establishing this connection with your lover will boost your confidence and make you feel like you are in control of your pleasure, and there are few things in this world as empowering as feeling self-assured and positive about your own sexuality.
Since everyone does their own thing, especially when it comes to sex, tell us if you’ve ever tried any of these communication techniques in bed. Do you have any of your own you want to share? Don’t hesitate and comment below your best ways to get rid of shyness and let your partner to know what gets you going in bed.