When it comes to sex there’s a lot of pressure to perform. We have to think about so many things. Do I look good? Am I doing everything the other person likes? Am I too Tired? Will I get a good “O?”
With all that swirling around in your head it’s hard to just be in the sensual moment.
Great sex is about more than just the act. There’s a lot that goes into that type of intimacy. It starts before you ever get to the bedroom. Before you get your clothes off. It’s about more than your body being present. That’s the easy part. You have to be in the right frame of mind.
That’s not always easy to do with all we have to deal with on a daily basis. Work, children, taking care of the house and the cooking… I could go on but you get the picture. When the day finally winds down and your lover is ready for some love you have to muster up some energy from somewhere.
That’s when you hit play on your slow songs list.
Music is like magic. It has the power to alter your mood. It can give you energy and help you relax so you can find your inner siren.
You can see the effects of music in just about every facet of life. Movies use music for action scenes. The pumped up, fast-paced beats get you excited. It makes you sit up in your seat, completely drawing you in. When you’re at a concert, a good song comes on and strangers become instant friends, dancing with each. Unconcerned about what anyone is thinking. Shedding their cares.
Let’s not forget every single love scene has music playing in the background sets the tone for what’s about to go down in the bedroom. You see the actors and actresses moving with abandon in time with the music. They shouldn’t be the only ones having all of the fun.
You should harness the ability of music to change a situation.
Start by letting it change your mood.
How many times are you tired after working or dealing with the children all day? You may not be feeling your sexiest.
Unwind with your favorite artist playing in the background.
Most of the time our bodies are ready and willing for some action but a bad day can take the wind right out of your sail.
Release the day into the words of the tune.
For women, sex is mental and physical. If we’re not feeling sultry and alluring it’s hard to get into the right frame of mind. Throw on your personal soundtrack, stand in the mirror, lay back on the couch or bed and let the sounds soak up the stress of the day. As it melts away, you feel your special spots heat up. Your mood begins to change. Before you realize it your body is swaying to the music. Your sexual energy is up and you’re ready to go. Now that come-hither smile is creeping across your lips as you catch your mate’s eye.
Music is bedroom courage.
Sex can be awkward. It never goes as smoothly as it does in the movies. We trip over each other. Our bodies make weird noises and those position changes are not flawless. Words don’t always come out the way we want them to. You need a way to channel your fears, angst, and stress that can accompany your most intimate moments.
In comes music. It has the potential to transform and inspire you when you’re getting ready to get cozy with your lover.
If you allow yourself to get lost in the rhythm, music can be the soundtrack for a wonderful lovemaking session.
The lyrics can say what you may not be ready to say aloud. It can suggest a seductive act without you having to stumble over the words.
There’s a song for just about every situation. If you’re trying to let your partner know you want it slow and easy, pull up Zapp and Roger “Slow and Easy.” The lyrics say it all,
“So just unwind. Relax your mind. Leave your cares behind. Let’s make love (Nice and slow).”
It’s all about savoring those precious sexual moments.
Or you’re trying to let them know you want things to be a little freakier. Try Janet Jackson’s “Any Time, Any Place.” She tells her man
“I don’t wanna stop just because people walkin’ by are watchin’ us. I don’t give a damn what they think. I want you now.”
The message couldn’t be any clearer…do what you want, when you want.
Maybe you want it to be a little rougher. A song with a driving beat, like the one used in Sweetback’s instrumental “Arabesque.” The edgy, hard chords used make you feel wild and untamed.
With music playing you don’t have to find your inner warrior in order to say the right words. They’re being said for you. You’re simply following directions. That takes the pressure is off.
A good song in the bedroom helps you lose yourself. It’s easy for insecurities to creep in during the time you’re the most vulnerable. Afterall you are completely exposed.
Even when you’re with a longtime partner you have moments when you wonder if they’re still into you. Do they still look at you and want you as much as they used to?
It’s easy for your mind to wander or your head to get all cloudy with doubt. How are you supposed to have great sex with all of that playing in the recesses of your mind?
You hit play on your slow jams list and up comes one of your favorite songs. You know the one that makes you move your body in ways you wouldn’t dare in public.
Music has a way of coaxing you out of your comfort zone.
Don’t be afraid to use your imagination to combat those feelings of being unsure. You can be that seductive woman. The one who goes for what she wants and doesn’t care what anyone thinks. For those moments you might want to try something with a harder beat. One of those songs that’s makes you want to strut naked through the room. It will be like you’re making your own music video in the bedroom. Everything you’re doing is a scene. When you get nervous just sing along. You may find yourself doing a slow, sexy dance. Nothing is hotter than a woman dancing for her lover. The music gives you the courage.
Music helps you keep the rhythm.
One of the more uneasy things that happen in the bedroom is the loss of the rhythm. You both struggle to find your stride. In that moment it’s easy to lose the momentum and give up before either of you reach the point of satisfaction. No one wants that awful feeling. A beat gives you a way to get back into it without completely stopping. Your hips can take over as a rhythmic guide, guaranteeing everyone gets up or rolls over after hitting the peak, content.
I have several bedroom playlists. I play the one that best suits my mood in that moment. Sometimes I feel like having sweet, gentle lovemaking moments. The songs on that list are about feelings of love and appreciation. Some nights I want to find my inner freak. Those songs have edgier beats and tend to be specific about what I want my mate to do to me or what I’m going to do to them. There are times when I feel like doing everything. That’s when I pull up my all of the above list. A nice mix of sweet, sexy, sultry and seductive.
Take a few minutes to make a playlist of your favorite “get in the mood” songs. Play them and watch what happens. You’ll find yourself releasing your inhibitions and that’s the fastest path to great sex. There’s a reason some songs are called “baby making music.”
